Makes me kinda wonder.....
(Just to warn you out there that are venturing into my blog to read this, you may not agree with much of what I'm about to share with you, but I can guarantee one thing; it's honest.)
I'm not sure how I got onto this topic, but I was half daydreaming about myself attending my mother's funeral. Just to let you know, my mother is still alive, and although she's getting on in years, she's doing alright physically and mentally. She is, however, old enough to be considered an old woman, and according to my siblings, she's very much that lately. Now, for those of you that know me well, you know that my mother and I are anything but close. We love each other, that's for sure, but my mother and I don't see eye to eye on very many topics. She, in fact, strongly disapproves of most of the choices I've made throughout my life; she has even told me straight out many times. A number of times over the past few years I have reached out to her both verbally and in writing, but was unsuccessful. I have come to accept this and am pretty okay with it;I also have my own family to reach out to and love, which helps so much.
Now, back to the daydream. I envisioned myself with my family at the ceremony and I found that I did not feel teary-eyed at all, which surprised me. There were a number of people crying and going to talk to my siblings giving their condolences, but when they reached me, I was polite and thanked them for their kind words, but nothing they told me about my mother sounded like anything that I knew about her. It's strange, how I could have come from her womb but be so different from her even though she tried her best to make me into a mini-her. Once I was old enough to make my own decisions and was able to break away from her, I found that alot of my decisions weren't what she would have chosen. That in itself is fine; no two people are the same, no matter how close they are. But, I can imagine her disappointment when she realized that I have a mind of my own and I was using it; I'm good with that, and the fact that she's not, well, that isn't my issue, it's hers and hers alone. Another thing that I've accepted in the past few years. I happen to like who I am and I know that I do my best to make the right decision for the right reason; if I screw up, then I'd better well learn from it otherwise, I'm bound to do it again!
In the daydream, I ended up walking out of the ceremony near the end and didn't go to the wake. I felt that I would be "faking" it if I went, which I so don't like doing.
Makes me kinda wonder about all that is.....how many of us are REALLY true to ourselves? How often do we do and say things for other people without being honest? And, what good does that do anyway? Not much that I can see.
I'm not sure how I got onto this topic, but I was half daydreaming about myself attending my mother's funeral. Just to let you know, my mother is still alive, and although she's getting on in years, she's doing alright physically and mentally. She is, however, old enough to be considered an old woman, and according to my siblings, she's very much that lately. Now, for those of you that know me well, you know that my mother and I are anything but close. We love each other, that's for sure, but my mother and I don't see eye to eye on very many topics. She, in fact, strongly disapproves of most of the choices I've made throughout my life; she has even told me straight out many times. A number of times over the past few years I have reached out to her both verbally and in writing, but was unsuccessful. I have come to accept this and am pretty okay with it;I also have my own family to reach out to and love, which helps so much.
Now, back to the daydream. I envisioned myself with my family at the ceremony and I found that I did not feel teary-eyed at all, which surprised me. There were a number of people crying and going to talk to my siblings giving their condolences, but when they reached me, I was polite and thanked them for their kind words, but nothing they told me about my mother sounded like anything that I knew about her. It's strange, how I could have come from her womb but be so different from her even though she tried her best to make me into a mini-her. Once I was old enough to make my own decisions and was able to break away from her, I found that alot of my decisions weren't what she would have chosen. That in itself is fine; no two people are the same, no matter how close they are. But, I can imagine her disappointment when she realized that I have a mind of my own and I was using it; I'm good with that, and the fact that she's not, well, that isn't my issue, it's hers and hers alone. Another thing that I've accepted in the past few years. I happen to like who I am and I know that I do my best to make the right decision for the right reason; if I screw up, then I'd better well learn from it otherwise, I'm bound to do it again!
In the daydream, I ended up walking out of the ceremony near the end and didn't go to the wake. I felt that I would be "faking" it if I went, which I so don't like doing.
Makes me kinda wonder about all that is.....how many of us are REALLY true to ourselves? How often do we do and say things for other people without being honest? And, what good does that do anyway? Not much that I can see.
posted by Mystica at 8:31 PM
3 comments
